This is my testimony. This is the first time I have ever written it down. If it is flawed, I'm sorry.
Childhood:
I attended various different churches when I was young. My parents were strong in their walk with Christ and they gave great scriptural-advise to me. There was never an issue that we, of course with the help of God, couldn't handle. Well, I was forced to go to church no matter what in my younger years. This mademe believe that I had things figured out and I was saved.
But I wasn't...
Teenage Years:
13.
I officially became a teenager 6/8/2004. My dad's friend invited my dad and me to go fishing with him and his son the next day on the 9th. I got bored with the whole fishing thing so I went behind the house. The friend's son was close behind me. It started off as normal conversation. It ended with his hand over my mouth, me being pantless, immobile, and pinned down on a table. My cries were silenced after being robbed of my youth and innocence.
I decided if God I had heard about for so much of life really did exist, He would not have allowed this to happen. I became an atheist.
I began to self-mutilate(cut).
I also started to meander into smoking pot, smoking meth, and alcohol abuse.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, clinical depression, anxiety disorder, OCD.
After all the drugs and alcohol came into play, I was losing weight very rapidly and not eating. When I did eat, I ate very little and usually what I ate, I would purge.
I was diagnosed with Anorexia with Bulimic tendencies.
At the end of this year in my life, death started hanging out around my friends and family. It began with the death of my BFF Beau. The next day Beau's BFF Colby(he was one of my close friends, too) committed suicide over Beau's death.
I would experience 12 more deaths of people close tome by the time I turned 16 and a 1/2.
14.
So I had been raped, which adversely affected me. It led me to be promiscuous to an extent, sleeping with a guy to feel wanted/not like damaged goods. My drug habits changed though. I didn't like to think about the brownish-black teeth prolonged meth use led to so I switched to the combination of weed, cocaine, and alcohol.
15.
A lot of the 14 people that died within that 3 year pd. died this year. My drug habits were steadily the same. I started going to a church with some friends at my high school. They didn't judge me, and I felt accepted. Well, one week, we didn' t have service so I hung out with my supposed-to-be friend. Me and this friend had engaged in some sexual encounters before. We went to this party, and I got wasted. I was passed out in his friend's car. I guess he thought it would be okay to have sex with my unconscious body. He raped me.
Sadly, this didn't prevent from having sex.
About a week after, I went to the church service. I went to the restroom afterwards. I looked for my ride but they had all ready left and there was no way I could contact them. I went into a room at the church, closed the door, and locked it. I tore the room apart and found a pair of scissors. I attempted suicide.
I almost succeeded too, The doctor said he had no idea how I had survived 32-degree weather, a 15-mile walk, especially since I was bleeding out after hitting 3 main arteries. I went to Laurelwood. I was let out 3-5 days. The night I came home I decided I was determined to die. I took 70-80 pills of a cocktail of meds which if overdosed on and not caught in time should lead to death.I escaped death yet again after having to drink about 2 pitchers of charcoal. Safe to say, they sent me to a long-term mental health facility.I regained most of the weight I had lost but to this day, I never fully recovered.
16.
Got my suicidal thoughts under control but I still relieved stress through self-mutilation(cutting) and drug habits. This is when I decided I didn't like stimulants so much, and I preferredto be numb. I switched to pills, alcohol, and weed. And I remained on most of them until this March year 2010.
17.
I remained to self-mutilate and on drugs. But in July of 2008, I got in a car with a drunk driver. Of course, I was drunk, too. She obliterated a brick mailbox and went head on into a telephone pole. The telephone pole snapped in half and landed on my side. The dashboard and the engine , that all landed in my lap. Safe to say, my femur broke in three places. One of the fragments was close to my spinal cord and could have easily killed or paralyzed me. I was confound to a wheelchair for 4 months and crutches for 1 month.
That's when I was like yeah, there's got to be someone out there watching over me.
That's when I became Agnostic.
18.
I got saved and baptized actually knewing what it meant. I am a Christian, for real.
I still drugged and self-mutilated.
I still partied, too. These areasof my life had been my only means of coping for so long.
The last party I went to, I got raped.
That was the end of my partying days. Another thing that made me change my ways was this girl, I met her when I was 18, named Angelika. She laid down the line for me and said you need to choose between our friendship or booze. I gave up drinking right then and told her I value your friendship WAY MORE than liquor!!!
That's pretty much my testimony and anyone who made it possible, you know who you are, and you know what you mean to me. If it wasn't for you , I never would have come this far.
&&&
ADK
